Addiction II

I don’t know what hurts more. Being the addict or loving one.

I’ve been on both sides of it and if I am being honest it feels about the same.

Addiction is so selfish.

I remember when I first decided to try and live a sober life, it was because I was watching addiction turn my favorite people into complete strangers.

A very sobering experience..

Here I was drinking daily but because I was functioning in it I felt I had the right to tell them “you need to get sober”…

The reality was.. I didn’t know how to say “I’m losing you and that scares me”

So I made up in my mind that I would get sober so that they would too…

If I can do it, they can do it

Almost 4 years of sobriety and I am still believing for them..

It hurts..

To catch glimpses of who they were before addiction set in..

To listen to them tell you “I’m good” but you remember when their eyes told a happier story..

To watch them do things that sober them would never do..

To hear the disappoint from others that love them and when I try joining in on it I am taken right back to when…

I drank until every cell in my body was numb. Until it didn’t hurt anymore. My mind so gone I couldn’t focus on why I was drinking in the first place…

And I hurt for them. I remember the pain I was suppressing…

How heavy the weight of everything was..

And the only way to escape was to give in to the addiction..

The thing with addiction is..you never escape..

When it wears off you are faced with the very thing that led you to it and more..

So I say,

Put it down..

Breathe..

I know it hurts but breathe..

Face it…

Feel it…

Get through it..

No one is mad at you.. Not even God and He knows it all..

Who are we to judge..addiction has been a part of each of us..

You’re not alone..

I know how you feel but it gets better..

You get better… with time..

Be kind to yourself… it’s not your fault..

Addiction is so selfish.. it wants you all to itself..

But I refuse to share you with it…

I will never give in to it again..

So when the day comes and you’ve won this battle.. you can show me your scars and I’ll show you mine..

Until then..

I don’t know what hurts more. Being the addict or loving one.

I’ve been on both sides of it and if I am being honest it feels about the same.