Housekeeping

I heard someone say that your closet is a reflection of your heart or mind. I believe this to be true for any space one occupies.

My home.

What was once easy to keep up with has turned into a much harder task as I try to get a grip on life.

I find myself choosing to clean the areas that I know others will see and put off the areas that they will not.

The living and dining area, the kitchen and the hall. All areas that can be seen once you walk through the door. I neglecting everywhere else because in my mind I will get to it when I get to it.

It doesn’t matter right now because no one can see it anyway.

This is the same for me. My heart is full of junk that I have accumulated over the years.

Instead of working on those things I go to the gym instead.

Workout.

Lose the weight.

Forgetting that the condition of my heart is the reason for the weight gain in the first place.

I am working against myself.

I get stuck cleaning up the seen areas because the unseen has started to spill over into them.

I can no longer tuck things away in the closet because the laundry I said I was going to fold is occupying that space.

Rooms that were once empty now hold random things in them that I said I would get to months ago but because I am stuck doing damage control on the exterior they are left untouched.

Accumulating more and more.

My heart the same way.

Tuck it away.

Deal with it later.

Right now you have to be happy for them.

That feeling is not what they need.

Smile.

Make a joke.

Laugh.

I repeat this for the next couple of months until I get that heavy feeling..

What’s wrong with me?

Everything is going well.

It was a good day today.

My outfit came together nicely.

I’ve lost a few pounds.

What is it?

And then I check my heart..

I forgot to deal with those things I tucked away..

I thought if I kept up with the outside the inside would fix itself..

Who was I kidding.. nothing fixes itself..